With the New Year revelry and celebrations over, it’s time that I do some sober reflection and deep thinking as to what will be in store for me this New Year – that has just dawned on us and which has also marked the beginning of another new decade of the millennium.
Like the emptiness that won’t seem to fill up, like the pain in my fingers and right leg that just refuse to heal and like an aftertaste that won’t seem to wash down completely, the following questions have been pressing me hard recently.
What path am I on now?
Where is the journey taking me?
What are the myths I am living for?
And what will be my legacy to the world?
I had fought so hard for love, hope, truth, honor, justice and so forth. I reckon I had given my beloved best. Now, I am feeling very depleted, lost and spent. But should I allow myself to be defeated this time around?
These questions kept pushing me to make immediate decisions – irregardless if it is going to be sound or poor decisions. Admittedly, I am feeling very challenged and conflicted at this point in time. But, what are the things that I have to do now?
And, what if I don’t find and implement solutions fast enough?
I would like to remain effective and be in control of my life. But in reality, I am surrounded by dozens of different people, each seem to have their own expectations of me and each placing their demands on me as well. And with the clamor of competing voices every now and then, how am I going to protect my own?
And more importantly, how am I going to remain true to my calling? You see, I already had my share of disappointments and enough failures in one year. I am very badly bruised. Sorry, I don’t mean to sound so pessimistic but it is just how it is.
On a brighter note, this New Year also holds promise for the healing of some very badly self-inflicted wounds and genuine reconciliation for me – I know it is going to be very difficult. And for those who knows me well, they kept reminding me that I need to pray very, very hard for miracles to happen.
Even though I can be assured there are going to be constant prayers on my behalf – for my environment and my happiness. I believe that I need to do more myself to eradicate my failure demon, refuse to settle for anything less than the best and turn whatever possibilities into my reality.
Life will always have it’s ways of throwing curved balls at us. Even the happiest of relationships will need to be nurtured consistently in order to keep it going that way. And being constantly reminded that the most important thing in life is about the journey and not the destination; it is definite that I’m going to enjoy this New Year and with the Grace of God the New Decade as well. And hopefully I will be able to create a new life for myself this New Year. But whether 2011 will be a good year for me is yet to be seen.